Spiritual Scales

" And immediately there fell from his eyes as it had been scales, and he
received sight forwith..." Acts 9: 18

This morning I re-read the account of Paul's conversion. It never ceases to amaze me "how" the Lord "chose" him and changed his heart in such a dramatic manner.
Paul was truly not seeking a relationship with Jesus. In fact, he was travelling to Damascus on "business". His business was to collect Christians and have them bound.

" And Saul yet breathing out threatenings and slaughter against the disciples of the Lord went unto the High Priest, and desired of him letters to Damascus to the synagogues that if he found any on this way, whether they were men or women, he might bring them bound unto Jerusalem." Acts 9:1 & 2

Although I did not experience a "Damascus" experience, I can relate to Paul's experience of being "blind" and then receiving his sight! I love the passage that describes how he received his sight -- and not just physically but spiritually........ he was once blind to Jesus, and what Jesus had done, and there fell from his eyes " as if it had been scales" and he received sight forwith.........

After Paul received his spiritual and physical eyesight..... he ate and "straightway" he preached Christ in the synagogues. He went first to those of his church.. the Jews. His heart was to first proclaim the message of grace & salvation to the Jews!

When I came to the Lord Jesus and completely surrendered my life to Him in the fall of 2007 -- I too experienced a "falling away of scales"..... not real physical scales, but spiritual scales that had been blinding me for years. It was an amazing experience..... I kept telling my husband over and over again that it was like 'scales were coming off.... layers were coming off my eyes.... I literally felt as if I was being released from a prison I had been in for so many years and my chains were removed." It was incredible. Of course these were spiritual manifestations that I experienced as a result of being born again in Christ, but none the less there was to me, an apparent release from bondage and removal of scales from my eyes.......

For once I was blind and now I can see!
I was lost, but now I am found,

I love the old hymn Amazing Grace -- it speaks volumes to my heart........ I also love the new rendition to that old hymn by Chris Tomlin -- Amazing Grace, My chains are gone..... beautiful.

I also can relate to Paul's desire to go his friends in the Jewish Synagogue and share the good news of Christ! I too have that same desire to share the good news with those in the LDS faith. Paul spent years as a Jew.. I spent years as a Mormon....... Paul would often go to the Synagogue first when he stopped in his missionary journeys ........ he has a "soft spot" for the Jews and longed to share Christ with them.

Many former LDS, including myself, also feel that "soft" spot for LDS to share the message of grace and salvation! That is why some of us have blogs or websites dedicated to sharing that GOOD news , and that is why some of us do continue to maintain ties with our loved ones in the LDS faith -- with hopes of sharing the news of our Lord with them!

For my LDS readers, this is one of the primary reasons I began this blog ... that is for YOU. To share the news that Jesus , His blood shed on Calvary is enough to guarantee you eternal life in the kingdom of God. That is it's all about Him, and not about a "church"....it's about a personal and saving relationship with the Son of God.

My heart's desire is to see many LDS come to taste of His goodness and that they too may have the scales removed and shed, and yes perhaps even have their own "Damascus" experience!

That is my constant prayer for the LDS.

God bless,

gloria

I was blind, but now I can see....

"For I have come unto this world, that they that see not might see." John 9:39



The years that followed my first prayer of salvation, were ones of gentle and gradual awakening. God proceeded to do an amazing work in my heart and life. He literally removed the scales from my eyes. Looking back now upon those years ( 2000-2007) I am absolutely amazed at how loving, compassionate and gentle my Lord was with me. He did not "pull me out of a burning building" but gently called me to HIM.... He truly is the good Shepherd and His sheep know His voice.



As I mentioned in my last post, I was not "looking" to leave the LDS or to "find" another Church for that matter. For the most part I did what I was counseled to do.... I put my concerns about polygamy and the historical data surrounding this doctrine aside. I figured, God would "work it" out when and "if" I had to live it in the "next life". It's important to note that although the LDS mainstream church does not live a polygamous life style -- they do still indeed believe in this teaching and allow LDS men to be sealed to more than one wife, if his first wife is deceased, or has the man has been divorced. So, in "theology" the LDS church still believe that plural marriage is of "god" and will be practiced in heaven/the next life. I think most LDS don't give it too much thought though, because it isn't part of their culture or lifestyle anymore.



I continued to attend my meetings, and serve faithfully in my "callings" in my ward. I "thought" things had been resolved about my concerns and doubts. I pressed forward and dove even deeper into the LDS faith. As much as I "wanted" to believe the LDS church was "the only true church", the Holy Spirit really began to work on my heart. In 2001, my husband and I chose to begin the process of adopting a child from Guatemala. I began to study about what the Bible said is "pure and undefiled religion". James 2:27 I realized God really had a heart for the orphans. I joined online support groups for families who were adopting . I "met"many families who really loved Jesus and who were also adopting. My heart wondered "why" the LDS church was not more actively involved in orphan ministry. I even went as far as to call the LDS church Social Services headquarters in SLC ( a LDS adoption placing agency that places babies of unwed mothers into LDS homes) and asked them what "the" church was doing with orphan work in the world. The response I received was shocking! I was told, ( very kindly, mind you) that there was no budget set aside for running orphanages or becoming involved in orphan work. I was stunned. It was obvious the LDS church has the financial resources to spend some of their tithing funds on orphans! The Bible speaks very clearly about the mandate to care for the orphans. I couldn't understand how the LDS church could spend millions on temples, and a conference center, and large church buildings, and money to run sports programs at their Universities and NO money to build orphanages? That stunned me.



Other things were brought to my attention, that had never bothered me before..... For example each month the LDS hold a "fast and testimony" meeting. The first Sunday of the Month - LDS are asked to fast for at least 2 meals a day and give the proceeds of the money they would have spent on food to the go towards the care of the needy in their congregations. I realized the LDS do not use these funds to run "soup kitchens" or other food ministries to help feed the poor and hungry. It deeply troubled me that their large welfare program was used primarily by LDS and is not open for the local poor in the community.

" For I was a hungered and you gave me meat, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you took me in." Matt 25:35



Why didn't they set up soup kitchens? Why not use the proceeds of fast and testimony to be used to feed ALL the poor and not just the LDS that were hungry? I didn't understand. Many churches are involved in outreach programs to feed the hungry locally. When my husband and I attended General Conference, we noticed how many beggars there were on the streets of Salt Lake City -- I also noticed that all the conference attenders walked right past these begging souls......... what was wrong, I wondered as my husband and I ran around to get some food to hand out to the homeless.....why doesn't the LDS church set up a soup kitchen and homeless shelter right here in the City right next to their conference center ? We went to eat lunch at the plush "roof top" restaurant at the top of the J.Smith memorial building -- we were amazed at how luxurious and ornate this building was. Marble floors, huge statues of Joseph Smith -- beautiful appointments........ while waiting for our table to become available we toured the top story of the building and noticed a lovely room set up with a beautiful buffet...... we asked the help there if someone was having a wedding reception -- no, we were told, "this is the luncheon for the general authorities". ( that is the LDS leaders). I became sick, and upset. Here there were homeless going hungry outside and these men are having a buffet? How can this be.



My LDS readers reading this, may think I am being very judgemental.... and perhaps I am....... but I am merely sharing with you what was so deeply troubling to me. No money to build orphanage, no money to set up soup kitchens and homeless shelters.........but money to put on a lavish buffet for it's most prominent leaders? After lunch my husband and I checked out the chapel in the building where the locals meet.....including the President of the LDS church.... all I will say is goodness gracious........this is not some typical LDS chapel. I was amazingly appointed. Lavish is a word to describe it. It made me angry. Here LDS in latin america and other places hardly have shoes and food to eat and here their leaders were eating in style and worshipping in luxury. It hit me like a ton of bricks.... is this what our tithing money goes to? I was told it went to build temples....... not build memorials for Joseph Smith or to pay for lavish buffets for leaders. Something was wrong with this.



Another ephinay happened when I sat in our Sunday Ward Sacrament meeting and the song: Praise To the Man Was Sung...... as I sat there singing a song I had sung more times than I can count thru the years.... I audibly heard in my ear the whisperings of the Lord speak very clearly: PRAISE NO MAN BUT ME. I can't describe the bolt I experienced. I was made dumb literally --- from that moment on I never sang that song again, and told my children to not sing it either.



For those of you not familiar with this LDS hymn paying homage to their leader & founder Joseph Smith here are few lines from the song...



Praise to the man that communed with Jehovah.

Jesus anointed that prophet and seer.

Blessed to open the last dispensation

Kings shall extol him and nations revere.



Chorus:

Hail to the prophet, ascended to heaven!

Traitors and tyrants now fight him in vain.......

Mingling with gods he can plan for his brethren

Death cannot conquer that hero again.



Great is his glory and endless his priesthood

Ever and Ever the keys he will hold

Faithful and true he will enter *his* kingdom

Crowned in the midst of the prophets of old





I'll never ever forget that Sunday when so clearly I was commanded to speak NO more praises to the Mormon prophet Joseph Smith.



Then there was the experience when I was sitting in a Sunday School class, and the teacher asked what the difference was between the LDS's teaching on grace and the Christian's view on grace and why. I remember raising my hand and quietly and yes even nervously saying " I believe I am saved by grace... I really do believe... and I don't believe it's grace after all you can do...... but by grace we are saved, not of works. "....... oh the clamor that arose! People started speaking out and saying how wrong I was and how it's not grace that saves us, but "grace after al we have done" grace after being baptized mormon and grace after we have gone to the temple and done the work for the dead..... grace "after". I knew at that point that I was deeply treading on new ground..... I knew that I knew that I knew that I NO longer believed the LDS gospel.



Jesus had done a work, and I was beginning to see..... slowly the scales were starting to come off my eyes.



One of the final moments of 'awakening' was when I was sitting in the LDS temple, and watching the endowment movie that portrays the fall of adam and eve and creation -- and hearing the man who portrays satan say " put on your aprons, see you are naked, go hide..." and the movie is stopped at that time and you hear the words "brothers and sisters put on your aprons"....... I was gripped with the knowledge at that moment that the apron was being commanded to be put on by satan! In the Genesis account of Adam and Eve, Adam and Eve sewed themselves fig leaves together and made themselves aprons to cover themselves. Gen. 3:7 But in the LDS temple, it was "satan" who told them to do so...... God made adam and eve, "coats of skin" ..... Gen 3:21 not fig leaves.


As I look back now there were many many experiences and events I could share where the Lord was just opening my eyes and revealing truth and also falacies....... there are so many it would take too long to write them all, but these are some of the ones that stood out the most to me.

The most amazing of all work the Lord did on me though, was thru the reading of the Bible. In the winter of 2005-2006 I began to read the Bible from cover to cover in it's entirety. I had read sections of it in the past, but not the entire book from Genesis to Revelation. It took me approximately 2 yrs to complete the study -- but let me tell as I read it God did an amazing work on my mind and heart..... I began to see very clearly that not only was the Bible not mistranslated as I had been taught as a LDS, but it was God's word! As I made my way thru the Old Testament, I read thru the Jewish Temple ritual and realized that the Jewish temple experience was nothing like what the LDS did in their temples, I also noticed how everything in the OT pointed towards Jesus -- the I AM. As I read thru the Book of John, the most amazing thing happened -- my eyes began to open and I read over and over again that it was a belief in Jesus as Messiah that saves and grants eternal life...... NO where in the Bible did it teach that one was saved "by obedience to the laws and ordinances" but by the grace of our Lord Jesus alone! I made my way thru the New Testament gospels and the writings of Paul....... and then to the end to the book of Revelations...... I realized the New Jerusalem - the City of God, will descend from Heaven and not in Jackson Co. Missouri! So many thing jumped out at me........ it was if Jesus himself was showing me "look at this gloria, and look at this........and finally....... that it was by His grace and His grace alone that I receive eternal life!

Oh my! I can't recall the exact day I realized that NOTHING I could do - no good works, no temple ordinances, could grant me a place in eternity...... No nothing but the grace of our Lord.... it is not of "works lest I boast but a gift of God." Eph. 2: 8 & 9 Wow. What a huge burden was lifted off my shoulders. I didn't have to earn it........ I didn't have to endure to the end and hope that I did enough temple work, was faithful enough, etc to secure my eternal life....... No it had nothing to do with me! It had everything to do with HIM!

At the time, I was teaching the women in Relief Society, and I gave my final lesson the last Sunday of November of 2007. I came home and told my husband I would not be returning again to the LDS church. 1 month later I emailed my bishop and told him I would not be returning again. I never looked back. I completely surrendered to Jesus........ I told Him I wanted Him and Him alone. That I was tired of religion, tired of "good works" and tired of failing miserably and that I was a sinner, and knew that I would never be "perfect" or "good enough".......... what a weight was lifted. I just prayed and asked Jesus to please show me the way.... that I wanted Him more than anything.... that I didn't want to err, but be right with Him.

My husband was as you can imagine surprised. He didn't know really what to say. I had showed him the discrepancies in the Joseph Smith first vision, and initially this really troubled him. I won't lie and say it's been an easy road for him. We now have a interfaith marriage and family and that has posed some challenges, to say the least. But God in His grace is working on things and helping us to live a life of love and grace and forgiveness. In the next few months, we read thru the gospel of John. One by one the children gave their lives to Jesus......some sooner than others...... each of their experiences were unique and certainly a personal giving of their hearts to the King of Kings. Other than 2 of the younger ones, I wasn't even there when they were saved. From the beginning they were allowed to have the choice to remain LDS , or not. I fully expected my older kids to want to return to the LDS church -- after all it was all they had known. Given a chance to read the gospel of John and to hear the "good news" that Jesus is all they need - they chose Christ. Thru the past year or so, many of my children have shared with me how "burdened down'' they felt when they were LDS.... especially my teenage son , who was almost 15 yrs old when we left. He has expressed his relief with not having to have the pressure to be "perfect" and fall into the mold of the LDS man. At the time of his release he had been serving as his qurom president, and apparently he had felt a bit of pressure to lead, etc. I didn't even realize it until months after leaving and he opened up. I thank God each day my children were saved. God knew that they would be needed to encourage their mama down the challenging journey that lay ahead. They have been my greatest cheerleaders -- when things are hard, they are the first one to say " Go to Jesus, mom" or " remember don't let satan steal your joy"..... they are full of faith in the Lord and it blesses my heart so much!

Initially we stayed away from any church in general. Our family needed a time to heal and to adjust to our new found faith . We were for obvious reasons feeling "burned out" on religion..... and really to this day, the name "religion" conjures up less than positive emotions and feelings.
In the Spring of 2008 ( april) God began to lay in my heart a desire to fellowship with other believers. I was very concerned I would make a wrong choice again... so I really gave this step a huge amount of prayer and consideration....... I actually wrote a letter to God and wrote down all the things I was hoping to find in a church, and then left it in my Bible.

It wasn't too long afterwards that the Lord led us to a small non denominational church in our small rural town here. I'll never forget talking to the pastor for the first time and inquiring about the church's beliefs -- he basically said that they are all about Jesus and non denominational, and that they preach the Bible, God's word and that is it. I remembering weeping....... just so hungry for God's word..... I was like an orphan child that had not eaten for months..... just so hungry I could not get enough of the Word....... My husband and I began to attend the bible study and then the prayer meeting....... each time I would go it was as if someone was feeding me for the first time....... I was literally eating it all up. I loved every second of it. I am so glad that God led us to a congregation of believers that truly are sold out for Jesus , and where the Bible is preached each Sunday and not a "sermon" and where the only creed is Jesus! We continue to worship with this body of believers, and we have been richly blessed! Thank you Lord!

My husband did join us initially for Bible study and Sunday worship........but soon he chose to stop attending. We remain in prayer for his salvation, knowing God did begin a good work and will complete it. The work of salvation is truly the work of the Lord -- I am not called to be a "savior on mt. zion" ( an LDS saying) No, there is only ONE savior on Mt. Zion and that is Jesus! He is intimately involved in the work of salvation. My job is to love my husband, to serve him and to help him, but not to save Him. If Jesus wants him in the fold and in His kingdom, then it will happen in God's time, not mine. Meanwhile, we try to live a life of love one to another, although I will admit it can be challenging at times with our interfaith situation, but God is faithful to help us out each step of the way. I am learing to love and be the wife that God wants me to be ... not what I have been , but what He wants . So very different. The Lord is so patient with me and all my many screw ups a long the way.


After we came to the Lord..... God continued to work in our lives...... in such amazing and wonderful ways! I can not even believe how awesome a God we have! He is so faithful -- so faithful. He has been our provider, our protector, our shield, our refuge, our all in all. 4 of my children and I were baptized in Christ Jesus in August of 2008. Prior to our baptism, I sent in my formal resignation letter to the LDS Church. I simply stated that I believed Jesus was the ONLY WAY and all I needed to receive eternal life and to please remove my name. It was completed in a timely manner, and less than 2 weeks later I received my letter stating my name was removed. I can not tell you how much of a burden was lifted at that moment as well... I literally felt as if the doors of a prison had been opened up and I ran out screaming "I am free" I am free! Praise God I am free! Free at Last! The baptism was a very simple service, focused completely on Jesus. Baptism for the christian is not about "joining a church" it's about publically confessing that we are the Lord's. For my LDS readers, Christians believe that Jesus commissioned his disciples in Matt 28 to go and teach and baptize. Our authorization to baptize comes from Jesus. Not from a priesthood. But, from Jesus directly. It was a beautiful experience...... soooo different than being baptized as an LDS. My pastor prayed with me, and then he had me pray and I publically confessed the Lord in my prayer. Then I was immersed in the water and then my children followed........ I am baptized not because it is necessary for salvation, but because the Lord has asked me to do so and so I do. I count it a blessing and privelege to have publically confessed that I am the Lords!

His grace is amazing........and my chains are gone......... slowly, gently my Jesus wooed me , courted me and eventually guided me out of the LDS church and into the arms of His everlasting love. My exit out of mormonism, was a gradual process. I believe the Lord knew exactly what He needed to do for me individually. He did it ever so gently and lovingly..... showing me one step at a time, and opening my eyes to see the truth and also to see the lies.

Those first months after coming out of the LDS literally felt as if someone was taking off layers from my eyes....... literally........

I love the story of the blind man being healed. It has taken on such personal meaning to me.

Jesus truly does make the blind to see in more ways than one..........

Blessed be His name!

gloria

Hearing the " good news" for the first time

It was the winter of 1999-2000 that I was presented the "good news". My husband, a general contractor specializing in remodels, was hired by two Christian couples to do extensive remodeling on their homes. My husband, being the faithful LDS that he is, wanted to have these couples over for dinner and share the "gospel" with them. We did end up having one of the couples over, and enjoyed a visit with them. They also homeschooled their children , so we enjoyed similar interests. I was later invited over to their home for a play date with the kids. At that time I was presented the good news. The obviously knew I was LDS and they gently shared with me the message of Jesus. I wasn't offended at all, but rather I pondered what she said. At that same time period, I had been called to teach R.S. and was going to be teaching about the the LDS prophets - in particular the teaching of Joseph Fielding Smith. A manual was given to me, and in my desire to learn more about this LDS leader and prophet, I purchased some biographies and also a video about his life. What I thought would help deepen my faith in LDS leaders created a dilemma! Joseph Fielding Smith practiced "plural marriage". That is polygamy. I was under the impression that this was lived in such a way: a man had to have the approval of his first wife in order to be married /sealed to another woman. As I watched the video on this man's life -- I soon realized that his first wife refused to share her husband with another wife, and as a result they divorced. Joseph Fielding Smith was committed to the principal of plural marriage and would not abdicate it's practice, even if his first wife disagreed.
As I researched this out and studied what the LDS scriptures state about plural marriage, I read the following in the Doctrine & Covenants, a book of LDS scripture written by Joseph Smith.

" And again, as pertaining to the law of the priesthood ( plural marriage) if any man espouse a virgin, and desire to espouse another, and the first give her consent, and he espouses the second, and they are virgins, and have vowed to not other man, then is he justified; he cannot commit adultery for they are given unto him, for he cannot commit adultery with that that belongeth unto him and none else. " 132:61

"And again verily verily , verily I say unto you, if any man have a wife, who holds the keys of this power, and he teaches unto her the law of my priesthood ( plural marriage) as pertaining to these things, then shall she believe and administer unto him, or she shall be destroyed, saith the Lord your God, for I will destroy her, for I will magnify my name upon all those who receive and abide in my law. ( plural marriage) 132:64

"Therefore if shall be lawful in me, if she receive not this law, for him to receive all things whatsoever I the Lord His god, will give unto him, because she did not believe and administer unto him according to my word and she then becomes the transgressor, and he is exempt from the law of sarah, who administered unto Abraham according to the law when I commanded Abraham to take Hagar to wife." 132:65

These saying were shocking to me! Why had I not noticed them before? Had I just skimmed over them before and just ignored them because plural marriage was no longer lived in the LDS church? Why hadn't I seen this before?

I was deeply troubled that Joseph Fielding Smith had divorced his wife, simply because she would not accept a plural wife and that she would be "destroyed".

I began to do more research on plural marriage and the LDS history of it's practices.

What I uncovered was more disturbing than my heart could bear.

I was told that these men married widows and women who were left destitute because of the trek west ... when I did research I found this not true. Also It stated in the D & C that men were only allowed to mary "virgins" but yet many LDS men took wives who had been already married, and some to faithful LDS men. They surely weren't "virgins" as outlined in the LDS scriptures. I also found that LDS leaders not always married within their "age range". Many of these men married women who could have been their daughter and in some cases their grand-daughters! You can do the research on www.familysearch.org and type in the genealogy of the LDS leaders and do the math and see for yourselves that these men did indeed marry women who had been already married, and some of them very young at that!

This was all deeply troubling. I had been told that plural marriage had been lived by few and because their were so many widows in Utah. I was also confused by the conflicting passages of scripture above to the ones written by Joseph Smith in the same book of Scripture:

" Wherefore it is lawful that he should have one wife and they twain shall be one flesh" D&C 49:16

At one point Smith taught that a man should have but "one" wife and then later he commands men to take another "virgin" ..... and if the wife does not agree she shall be destroyed?

Then the remark about Abraham being "commanded by God to take Hagar to wife"... upon further study of the Bible I found the following to be in the bible:

" And sarai said unto Abram, behold now the Lord hath restrained me from bearing, it may be that I may obtain children by her, And abram *hearkened to the voice of Sarai. "
Genesis 16:2

God did not command Abram to take hagar! Sarai did -- big difference!!!

At this point I was deeply disturbed. I shared my concerns with my husband and my bishop. Their response, was "don't worry about it" .. it's not a requirement for this earthly life........ this answer simply did not satisfy me.
I decided it was time to hear what the Christians had to say about these things. I'll never forget knocking on the door of home of one of my husband's clients. "P" answered the door. She welcomed me into her home warmly. She was a seasoned believer, a daughter of Christian missionaries, who had spent years in the word and knew it well. I sat down with her and shared my concerns and feelings. She listened, did not judge, did not become angry, just listened. After I was done she asked me if I wanted to hear about Jesus. I said, yes I sure did, I have always wanted to know Jesus. She then proceeded to tell me the "good news" that Jesus died for me and that it is thru His grace I am saved and receive eternal life. I listened to what she had to say. She then encouraged me to pray and ask Jesus into my heart. I did just that. I went home and did the same.

I really wanted to know Jesus. I have always wanted to know Him and follow Him.

I came back home and prayed again and left it at that. I sincerely gave my life to Jesus.

I didn't really know what to expect at this point.

I continued to attend my LDS meetings. I really didn't think I needed to leave the LDS church or anything of the like. I did attend my friend's church a few times. My husband kids attended with me. My friend would call me and ask me how I was doing. She invited me to a bible study fellowship. I attended. My husband was fine with it all, as I was continuing to attend my meetings and such. I really didn't dawn on me that accepting Jesus had anything to do with leaving the Mormons........

Well, what I didn't figure on was what would occur in the following 7 yrs...........

God did an AMAZING work on my heart and mind and soul!

Looking back, I honestly believe I was saved in the winter of 2000. I just didn't realize it!

But God did , and He promised us that " they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand". John 10:28

Jesus had saved me, and He wasn't about to let me perish.

I remained active in the LDS faith for 7 more years, but during that time period God lovingly and mercifully removed the scales from my eyes and healed me of my blindness.

That is what I will be sharing next,

Gloria

Life after the "mission"

I arrived back to the United States after spending 18 mos in Argentina. My family was so relieved to have me home, and there was a big gathering "welcome home " for me when I arrived home. I have to hand it to my family, they really tried to reach out to me, even though they didn't agree with my choices I was making. They just loved me. God bless them.

Upon arriving home, I promptly told my mom about my "head lice problem"..... yikes! Bless my mom she spent the first full day I was home tackling my hair! Fortunately those little critters were gone for good! I arrived home just a few days before Thanksgiving, so the whole family got together for good times and good food!

I was to "report" on my mission the first Sunday after I arrived home. That is a "homecoming" was in order. The LDS don't do homecomings and farewells anymore.. it's too bad, because it is really a nice gesture for the out going missionary or returning missionary. Basically a "homecoming" means a entire "sacrament meeting" ( the main Sunday meeting) was dedicated to letting the newly returned missionary share experiences and stories from their mission. I really enjoyed listening to these talks, but sadly they really don't do this anymore. Now, the LDS return missionaries are given a "topic" to talk about, instead of allowing them to share what they wish to. :( I don't recall much of what I shared about my missionary experiences, but I do remember the warm embraces and hugs from those in my "home" ward. I do remember my parents coming out, and that was always a blessing to see them try to support me in something they themselves didn't really agree with. They did it out of love.

I was asked by a high councilman ( an LDS man who serves in a calling to oversee the affairs of an LDS congregation or "ward" and then reports back to the"stake") to speak at a local single's ward. I showed up early and made sure my notes were in order. As I spoke I noticed a man slip in to the chapel a bit late. He later introduced himself to me after the meeting. The rest is history. We were married in the Seattle LDS temple 3mos after our first date.

It is typical in the LDS church to encourage short courtships. It is most definitely not a doctrine or "rule" but just an unspoken expected. There are exceptions to this, most LDS couples I know had short courtships. The LDS church teaches sexual purity to it's unmarried, so this may be a reason that they encourage speedy courtships. Overall, LDS marry young and they don't wait once they know "who" they are to marry to get married. :) Hope that makes sense.

In any case, our "quick"courtship flipped my parents out -- especially my dad! They had been so patient with so much, but this was too much for them. My father was especially upset and really concerned that we did not know each other well enough to make a decision to get married. Our minds were made up, and we moved forward .

Our Temple sealing, was attended by LDS friends, but neither of our parents attended the ceremony. My parents were not members and my husband's parents were not active in the LDS church and did not have a temple recommend. It was a beautiful June day -- the weather was gorgeous...... looking back I can only imagine how my non LDS parents and sisters and family felt..... they didn't say anything....... but quietly waited outside the temple for us to come out. If I was to do it again, I would have married in an LDS chapel and then waited to be sealed. It hurt my parents deeply, and rightfully so.

We enjoyed a typical LDS reception , held at the local meetinghouse "cultural hall" which also doubles as a gym complete with basketball hoops! :) Both of our families did the best they could with supporting us thru this time, even though they may not have understood "why" we were doing it the way we were. There was hurt feelings, but they sure tried hard not to show them. My husband had also completed a full time mission, and had been waiting for sometime to "meet" his eternal companion. The LDS believe very deeply in the teaching that "families are forever"...... that is they believe that it is only in the Temple, where a faithful LDS couple should marry, and receive the ordinance of eternal marriage. They believe marriage done in this way will ensure, if the couple is faithful to the LDS gospel, an "eternal" marriage... that means the husband and wife will be married in the next life as well as this one. The ceremony is a simple one. The groom and bride kneel down by an altar and hold each other's hand in a special grip that is considered "sacred" and not to be revealed. It's similar to a boyscout grip, if you know what that is. In any case, the couple kneels down, grip each other's hand, and then the "temple sealer" the LDS man who officiates, then "seals" them for time and all eternity. It is a very simple ceremony and very short. Maybe 5 minutes long or so? In any case there is no exchange of vows, no rings exchanged. Only LDS with temple recommends can attend the temple sealing. If a family member is not LDS or is not able to secure the necessary recommend they will not be able to attend the sealing/wedding.

After a short honeymoon, my husband and I returned to start our lives together. We soon found out we were pregnant with our first son. I was very ill thru out the entire pregnancy. Our son was born early, but healthy. Life got busy really quickly as my husband started his own business, we added on to our home various times, and quickly added 4 children to our quiver. Then there was the church callings we held, and the many meetings that are required ... so life was definitely "full" to say the least. :)

Each pregnancy was increasingly more difficult.... and after one c-section after another c-section I was left depleted and unhealthy. Cronic morning sickness for 9 mos with each child was really taking a toll. Close family took me aside and questioned my desire to have more children. They asked whether I was pressured to do so by my church. I would tell them "no", of course not, and really none of our church leaders ever said anything to us, but what I didn't tell them is my husband and I were studying about what the "prophets" said about children and family planning. My husband and I became convinced that birth control was not of God and that we needed to allow god to send down as many "spirit children" as He wanted. This whole concept of "spirit children" is an LDS teaching that teaches that God lives on his own planet and with "heavenly mother" ( s) ( God's wife) bears "spirit children". These spirit children do not have bodies but "spirits". They must be born on earth to have a "body" and the are assigned to a particular home or "choose" to go to a certain home/family. It was encouraged for many years for LDS women to have many children and to bring down as many "spirit children" as they possibly can. LDS women play a vital role in this "plan" because they bear the "spirit children" of God, and thus it is a blessing for them to have as many spirit children come to their home, instead of the home of "non LDS". I know this may sound really "odd" to non LDS reading, but I am trying to explain things as simply as I can. I explain this because , this teaching affected my husband and I, and our decision to have many children.

As much as I love love my children... my health was deteriorating and I was so tired and weak...... and burned out.... on the outside I appeared "happy and had it all together" but on the inside I was "burning out"........ each time I would become discouraged , I believed all I had to do was pray more, be more faithful in my callings, serve more, and read my scriptures! I really tried very faithfully to do all I was told by the church, and by what I was reading in the scriptures. I wanted to be obedient. I wanted to have that "fullness of JOY" that the LDS talk about....... but yet it hopelessly elapsed me..........

I did a good job "hiding" my feelings. My husband knew I was tired and exhausted, but no one else did. I hid that from my friends at church and my extended family. My husband's business had flourished and blossomed and were financially doing very well. We had a lovely home, and 4 beautiful children..... and from the outside it appeared as if "all was well". But in my heart of hearts, I was so tired....... and definitely not feeling the JOY I was promised to have.

What was wrong with me? I combated those feelings with being more faithful in my church callings, attending the temple more frequently, fasting and praying more, reading the book of Mormon more, and asking for priesthood blessings from my faithful LDS husband. I did all this and yet the JOY elapsed me........

It was at this point in my life, that I was presented the GOOD news of Jesus..........

And that is what I will be sharing with you in my next blog post.

Until then, God bless!

gloria

My First Temple Experience

Seattle Washington LDS Temple


I wanted to briefly share some thoughts about my first experience in an LDS temple. As I mentioned in an earlier post on my blog, I went to the temple prior to leaving to serve on my LDS mission to Argentina. I took a series of classes on preparing to go to the temple from an older couple in my ward at that time. I was "interviewed" by my Bishop. Being 'interviewed' is another LDS 'term' that basically means you have a visit, or chat with your Bishop. For the temple interview, you are asked a series of questions. You are asked if you smoke or drink coffee or tea. If a person answers "yes" to these questions that person would not receive a recommend to enter the temple, because they would be considered "unworthy". Unworthy means you are not living your life according to the laws and commandments of the LDS faith/Church. You are also asked if you support your local leaders and the presiding leaders of the entire LDS Church. To "support" your leaders means you do not speak ill about them, you obey their counsel and pray for them. You are asked if you wear the temple garments ( sacred undergarments worn by faithful LDS) night and day. There are a number of other questions that are asked during this interview.

If a person answers "yes" to these questions, they are deemed 'worthy' to enter into the LDS temple. This recommend, is a slip of paper that is signed by the local leaders, and grants you permission to enter into the temple. You must show this slip of paper ( recommend) when you enter the Temple.

I was told by my Bishop to chose an 'escort' to go with me thru the temple for my first visit. My escort, Kathy was a seasoned Mormon who had grown up LDS and had been to the Temple many times.

She picked me up on a beautiful Spring morning in May of 1990. As I mentioned before, she proceeded to tell me some things about what would happen when I went thru the temple. She told me she felt she needed to prepare me so I wouldn't freak out. " Why" would I freak out? I had been told that this would be a special experience. Beautiful. Freak out? Why would I freak out?

Kathy, really had my best interest at heart. She was worried about me. I mean, I hadn't been raised LDS. She knew I was clueless about what went in inside of the Temple. I think she was trying to help me out.

As she drove, she told me about the "washings and annointings" that would take place. I had no idea what she was talking about. This was definitely *not* covered in my temple prep class! She briefly explained to me that I would be asked to remove my clothing, and that some sisters ( ladies from church) would pour / dab oil on my head and certain body parts to "anoint" me. OK, what did that mean? I didn't say this out loud. I just listened to what Kathy was telling me. She told me to not be worried about taking my clothes off.

She then told me that I would be putting on some clothes that LDS don't normally wear , outside of the temple. These would be different than I what I had ever seen. Again I just listened and really didn't get what she was saying.

We arrived at the temple and entered in thru the front doors. It was very quiet. There was some elderly men at a large desk. They asked for my recommend. I handed it to them. I was very nervous. Especially after what Kathy had just told me. The men behind the desk smiled warmly and welcomed me. Some elderly ladies escorted me to a room where I spoke with the Temple matron. The Temple matron is the wife of the Temple President, the elderly man who is in charge of running the Temple and it's activities. The Temple Matron was dressed in a lovely white dress and spoke in hushed tones. She explained to me that I was to take out my "endowments" and that this was indeed a very special day. Everyone there was very warm and friendly, all very happy to welcome me to the Temple for my first visit.

The Temple Matron explained to me that I would be "washed and anointed". There was those words again that Kathy had just told me on the car ride to the Temple. I was taken to a large woman's locker room, and I was assigned a locker where I could undress from my street clothes and put on a white draping shield/dress of sorts. Kathy remained with me thru it all. She was dressed in a white Temple dress as well. As we waited for me to be "washed and anointed" I noticed that women were going in and out of the locker room. Everyone was very quiet, hardly speaking.

When the time came for my washings and anointing I entered a small room, that was partitioned off by a curtain from another small room ( really a cubicle of sorts). There was an elderly woman there waiting for me, and she poured some oil and water on my fore head and pronounced a blessing / prayer of sorts. I then moved into the next cubicle or small room and then I was dabbed with oil again, this time on my chest ( I was not touched inappropriately in any way) and on my legs and arms and womb. Again a blessing was pronounced. This entire process took very little time. Everyone spoke in hushed tones.

It all happened so quickly, I really had little time to digest it all. Since my friend , Kathy had warned me about this part of the Temple experience, I was fortunately not caught off guard! When I completed the process of being anointed, I dressed in the temple garments. These are white undergarments that all faithful Temple endowed mormons wear under their street clothing.
The Temple Matron had told me to wear these night and day, other than for showering purposes and that they would be a shield and protection against evil. These garments can only be purchased at an LDS clothing center. They are cotton or made of polyester. The bottoms come to the knee and the tops cover the shoulder cap. Years ago, LDS wore them from their necks to their ankles! They had evolved with time, and I suspect with the change of fashions.

After I received my washings and anointing, I was told that I was ready to receive my "endowment". I then put on a white gown. I was given a "bundle" that contained ceremonial clothing I would be required to put on later. I was glad to be dressed, and headed to a small room where I was given a "new name". This name was given to me and for me to never reveal at anytime, other than a certain place in the temple ceremony. I was told that only my husband, whom at some future date would be sealed to me would know. This was the new name that my husband would call me forth on the morning of the first resurrection. The LDS believe this name is sacred and is to never be revealed. My husband loved my "new name" , and we even named a daughter after this name of Rebekah. Of course, I am aware now that I am under no such oath or such to keep things "secret". My Lord Jesus will be resurrecting me, not my husband on the morning of the first resurrection. I am sharing this with you so you can understand, that this new name is a very special name that each faithful Mormon receives upon coming to the temple for the first time.

Once I had received the "new name" I was escorted to a large room where the walls were painted with a lovely mural depicting creation. I was told to sit and wait until the ceremony began. Kathy, my escort sat by my side the entire time. I was so thankful for that, because I was getting very nervous. I was not told much about what would actually transpire in the Temple, so I was anxious.

Soon enough, a gentleman dressed in a white suit and tie ( everyone dresses completely in white in the temple, even their shoes are to be white, with white soles) came forward and welcomed everyone. A small altar covered in white lace was in the front of the room, and a large elaborate curtained area was behind the temple altar. After a brief welcome, the lights dimmed and a movie screen came down and a movie depicting the creation and fall of Adam and Eve was shown. There was so much to take in! Soon enough the movie stopped and we were told to put on certain clothing that was found in our bundles. First a green apron, then a white robe, and a bonnet with a veil. The Movie proceeded and was stopped as initiates and other temple patrons were asked to make "covenants" and oaths. I was an "initiate". It was my first time at the Temple. But in that same room , were many other LDS who had come to do the temple work for their dead ancestors ( proxy). The LDS teach that a person must receive their endowments, washings and anointing and be sealed in the LDS temple to inherit eternal life with God.

I was expected to return again to the temple, but the next time I would coming "proxy" for a person who had died already.

During the endowment ceremony, a LDS initiate is told to make the following oaths/covenants:
1. law of sacrifice
2. law of obedience
3. law of chastity
4. law of consecration
5. law of the gospel

They are told to raise their arms and swear before "god" and "holy angels" that they will keep these promises, oaths and covenants.

With each promise I made I was given a 'token' or certain handshake that I would be required to "give back" at another place in the temple. Boy, by that time I was completely overwhelmed! There was too much to remember!

It was all so new! I had been raised Catholic, so the pomp and ceremony and ritual was not completely a foreign idea to me. I was not shocked by it all, but overwhelmed. I was told I needed to recite back the name of each oath and the special handshake or "token". Oh my! I knew I would forget it all!!!

After the movie was over, and all the oaths and covenants made, I was told to go before the "veil" of the Temple. This veil was a large and ornate veil that was draped. I was told to put my hand thru a hole in the veil and I would be asked questions that I would need to answer - basically "testing" me on my knowledge of the oaths I had just made. I was very nervous about doing this. I knew I wouldn't remember a single word!! I wasn't scared, just overwhelmed!

As I approached the opening in the veil, an elderly woman ( temple worker) came up to me and helped me out. She told me everything I needed to know to recite back to the Male Temple worker who was standing behind the temple asking me a series of questions. I was relieved that she was there to help me.

After reciting back all the tokens and giving the special handshakes, I was allowed to walk thru the viel and enter into the "celestial room". This room represented what "heaven" will be like. For the LDS , the Celestial Kingdom is the highest level of heaven, where faithful LDS who have received their temple endowments and have endured faithful to the LDS gospel will reside.

The Celestial room is a large room. Bright with many windows , mostly stained glass or leaded glass. The furnishings are of the finest appointment. No money is spared whatsoever in the LDS temples. Only the finest of furnishings and workmanship. The room is quiet. Very quiet. Those that have been thru the LDS endowment ceremony can spend time in this room and quietly pray or speak in hushed tones. The colors are usually soft pastels and whites or creamy ivories.

I don't recall how long I spent in the Celestial Room on my first visit. I think I was just overwhelmed!

I did return many many times to that same temple thru the years that proceeded. It was the Seattle Temple where I was sealed to my husband , and where I went to many times to do the work in proxy for others who have died.

After receiving my endowments, I was ready to go on my mission.

It was just one short month later that I left my home and reported to the Mission Training Center in Utah.

Many LDS experience a wide range of emotions upon going to the Temple for the first time. The most common response I hear from LDS is that they were overwhelmed. I know I was. I was told that I would should go back many times and that God would reveal to me what the symbolism meant and that this was truly the House of the Lord. I was told to not speak about the Temple and what went on inside to anyone. Even LDS will only speak in "general" tones about the Temple to other fellow LDS. They call the temple and what happens in there "sacred". To outsiders, and NON LDS, it appears secretive. To the LDS this is so far from the truth. They truly believe that the Temple is God's dwelling place and that it is here, that they will learn truths and understand God.

Most LDS do go back to the Temple, mostly monthly and some more often than that, depending on where one lives. Since my husband & I lived close to the Temple (within 2o min) we visited monthly. The Temple for the LDS is not like a regular meeting house or chapel. The Temple represents the most holy of places. Thus, they feel the need to not talk about it outside the walls of the temple itself.

My first experience with the LDS temple was not so much frightening as it was overwhelming. I really did sincerely want to know God and I was told it was at the temple that I would find Him.

Meanwhile, my mission was drawing closer, and I had one hundred and one things to do to prepare to leave. "Understanding" the Temple would have to wait until some future date..........

To my non LDS readers, I can imagine that this all appears so "odd" and "strange" and mysterious. Believe me to most LDS it is rather odd and mysterious the first time too! The LDS believe deeply that the Temple ceremony existed in the time of Moses and also the time of Jesus. They believe that Joseph Smith restored those temple rituals. They believe it is necessary for eternal life with God.

I will be sharing here on my blog, why this is simply not the case. Using the Bible as guide, I will be sharing how the Jewish Temple ritual was radically different than the LDS temple experience. Using the book of Exodus and other Old Testament writings, I will be sharing how the Jewish Temple bears no similarity to the LDS temple.

To my LDS readers, I understand that for you my friends the Temple is sacred and holy to you. It is my hope, my prayer & desire that you may come to understand how the Temple was used prior to the sacrifice of the Lamb of God, and how very radically different it was than modern LDS temples. I also am praying that you will see that Jesus -- the Lamb of God has opened up the holy of Holies to all who believe in Him, so that we may come boldly before the throne of grace.

Simply stated, there is no reason or need for a Temple for believers.

I hope to share "why" that is the case in my next blog post.

Until then, God bless ~

gloria

The Early Years of my Mormon expeirence

Friends,

I am so blessed to know that the Lord is leading some precious LDS friends here to my blog to read, and also I am blessed to know that my dear brothers & sisters in Christ are concerned about their LDS friends and neighbors and want so much to understand them & their faith and witness to them of our Lord. Bless you my friends! I hope that in the coming weeks and months, I will be able to impart ... share some things that may help equip you as you reach out in love and compassion to your friends in the LDS church and also for those of you who are LDS, I hope that what the Lord leads me to share here with you, would just cause your heart to ache for a personal & saving relationship with our Lord & Savior. Bless you, bless you!

After joining the LDS Church in January of 1989, I quickly became immersed in " LDS culture", and yes my friends there is a distinct culture within the LDS church. It was all very new to me, as a young adult of 20 yrs of age. I recall my first ever LDS potluck or "ward" dinner, as they call them. I was quickly introduced to "jello salads" complete with diced celery and shredded carrots. Oh, how the LDS love their jello! ( At least the LDS in the United States do.:) In general "food" plays a big role in LDS gatherings. Whenever there is a meeting of some sort, there is bound to be "refreshments" of some sort afterwards. Usually consisting of sugary baked items. The LDS are truly a social people, and love to gather together for just about anything. There is a joke in LDS circles that you know you are a Mormon if you have to have a meeting just to plan a meeting. Oh how they love their meetings!

I learned all about "tithing" and "fasting" too. The LDS church asks that their members tithe 10% of their income to the LDS church. They do not pass a basket around, or such. There are envelopes and slips that Mormons fill out and give to their bishop. The bishop then sends the funds off to the Church Headquarters in Salt Lake City, where they distribute it. A "full" tithe is 10% of one's income. It is *required* to be able to enter the Mormon temple. Mormons who do not pay a full tithe ( 10%) will not be allowed to enter the temple. Fasting is encouraged in the LDS church. There is a "general" fast Sunday for the entire Church. This is the first Sunday of the month. All LDS ( with the exception of pregnant or ill LDS) are asked to fast for at least 2 meals -- food and water. They are then told to take the funds they would have spent on those meals and donate it to the LDS church. They in turn, use the funds to keep their storehouses running ( the LDS have an amazing welfare system, that can be used by LDS members) and to help the needy in their own individual wards. These funds are not used to help the poor outside of the LDS membership. They are used primarily for LDS members. Each first Sunday Mormons all over the world fast. They are asked to chose something to "fast about".. that is a specific request they have or concern, etc. Each first Sunday is fast and testimony meeting. This is a meeting where LDS members are allowed to share their "testimonies" or feelings about being a Mormon and about Mormon doctrines. I learned right away that is it is a very emotional meeting, where women and men alike get up and share their deep feelings and often times opely weep and cry. The LDS love their testimony meetings.

I also learned all about what is meant to live a 'worthy' life as a Mormon. That is to obstain from alcohol and coffee , caffeinated drinks like Coke, and tea....... and also to obstain from R rated movies and anything that could be viewed as immoral. I was told to keep my thoughts pure and chaste. I was assigned to visit a few ladies from my congregration once a month. This is called "visiting teaching". The men have the same program, but it's called "home teaching". Basically each LDS is assigned a few fellow LDS to visit, and to share a message with each month. The message is found in the LDS monthly publication: The Ensign. A message is given at the visit and usually it's a time to chat and fellowship. I was asked to "report" on my visits to the head of the LDS woman's orginization: The Relief Society. They in turn keep a detailed chart and statistics on "who" is getting visited each month and who is not. I was also assigned to have 2 older women to come visit me each month. They would come faithfully and share a message and ask if there was anything they could for me. They were sincere and I beleive they truly felt they were doing their duty. The whole concept of "duty" is very very important to the LDS. They are told it is their duty to do their visiting teaching, it is their duty to go to the temple at least once a month, it is their duty to pay tithing, to serve in their church, to tithe, to fast, etc. etc etc....... Duty is big in the LDS faith.

I also learned the " LDS lingo" or language. Special terms or words used only by LDS. Words like: the "bretheren" ( Mormon leaders) or "worthy" ( keeping oneself from sin and immorality) were learned quickly.

I was also asked to "serve" in a "ward calling". A "calling" is a job given to a member of an LDS congregation or "ward". It's supposed to be "volunteer" but honestly speaking, it's more of an "assignment" given by the the " Bishop" ( similar to a pastor) of the ward. Soon after I was baptized I was "called" in by my bishop, and assigned to teach the little 3 yr old children in the "Primary". Primary is the children's Sunday School organization. I learned that it was not "OK" to say no or turn down a calling. The LDS believe very strongly that the Bishop of their ward is inspired and speaks the will of the Lord for His congregation. "Ideally" the Bishop is to "pray over" a job or "Calling" before assigning it to a particular member of his congregation or ward. I learned later, that more often than not these "callings" are not based on inspiration but desperation. ( whomever is available and willing to do the job, more like).

The 3 yr olds I was assigned to teach each Sunday were energetic and very busy. The class was full of boys with one single little girl. She was so cute. I enjoyed teaching these little ones for the most part. I was given a manual , with lessons outlined to teach. It was simple enough. During this period I began to be approached by Ward members ( other LDS in my congregation) that I should go to the single's ward. A single's Ward is a cogregration that is specifically for unmarried LDS. One of the goals of the single's ward is to "match up" LDS for marriage purposes, and of course to for social purposes. My bishop called me into his office and also strongly encouraged me to attend the local "single's ward". I had more than one "hint" dropped that I was at the "age" of marriage and needed to find myself an "eternal companion" ( a male LDS who could marry me in the LDS temple) . I felt pressured, to say the least. I was 20 yrs old , enrolled in college full time and really not interested or ready for that matter to settle down and start a family. Plus, what was the rush? I found out quickly that most LDS young women are married rather young. It struck me as "odd" at the time. What was the hurry?

I also had some friends in my ward encourage me to consider serving as an LDS missionary. Now, that sparked my interest. :) I inquired at the Institute of Religion, where I had been taking religious classes about the possibility of serving a mission for the LDS church. Brother "H" was delighted at this possibility and encouraged me to sign up for a "missionary preparation" class. I did just that. I was the only woman enrolled in the class. The rest were young 18 or 19 yr old Mormon young men preparing to go on a mission. The LDS church strongly encourages, almost "expects" every young man to serve a mission for the LDS Church. It is strongly expected and really almost a "requirement" of sorts. Not anything like serving as an evangelist or missionary as a Christian -- where one feels "called by God" to go, not a Church.

After taking the class, I was very desirous to go on a mission. I had to wait 1 full year to be able to "put in my papers" because I was a new member, and needed to go thru a 1 yr probationary period of time before being allowed to go. During this time, I took on another part time job to save up the necessary funds to pay for my mission. LDS missionaries are required to pay for their own expenses. The LDS church does not provide funds for their missionaries. It is the sole responsibility of the missionary and his/her family. Sometimes a "ward" will sponsor a missionary , or an individual will sponsor them, but the LDS church does not financial support their missionaries.

During my year of "waiting" , I was busy going to school full time, and working 2 jobs. My parents were not excited about my serving a mission. They wanted me to finish up my education, as I was so close to finishing up. It was pointless for them to argue the point, as my mind was made up, I was completely sold out on the idea of becoming a missionary.

The year anniversary approached of my baptism into the LDS, and I was eligible to send in my missionary papers. This entailed meeting with my bishop and filling out a bunch of forms, and then sending them off to the LDS church headquarters in Salt Lake City, Utah. I also was eligible to receive my "patriarchal blessing". A "blessing" in the LDS church consists of an LDS man, who holds the "Mormon Priesthood" laying his hands upon your head and pronouncing blessings or counsel . A patriarchal blessing is a "special" once in a lifetime blessing that all Mormons are encouraged to receive. It is given by a "patriarch".... typically an elderly LDS man, who holds the Mormon priesthood. This blessing is only given once in the life of a Mormon. It has a few functions: It tells the LDS member of what "lineage" they come from. Lineage is a very important thing to the LDS. They believe that Mormons are of the House of Israel and of one of the 12 tribes of Jacob...... adopted into the House by baptism into the Mormon Church. Each Mormon receives their patriarchal blessing to determine "what tribe" they come from. I was told I was of the tribe of "Manasseh" the son of Joseph, who was sold into Egypt. I know this may sound so very strange to non LDS, but your LDS Friends truly believe that they are "part of the lost tribes" of Jacob or Israel. The patriarch told me I was of the tribe of Manasseh, and then he "prophesied" many things. He told me I would be very active as a Mormon and become a great leader, and teach many Latin American people and preach to the Spanish speaking nations and that my entire family would become LDS. ( they never did) and a bunch of other things that never came true. The Patriarch lays hands on my head while he is speaking these things. His wife is in the room and her job is to write down every single word, so she can then transcribe it and type it up and send me a copy and one to be held by the LDS Church. LDS are encouraged to read their patriarchal blessings often and to meditate upon the "blessings and promises" . I read my blessing so many times thru the 19 yrs I was a Mormon that it literally fell apart and had to be taped together again! I was always so disappointed that the promised blessings had not come to pass and I often felt I need to do better to "earn" those blessings.........

Spring came, and in April of 1990 I received the long awaited envelope which held my "mission call". This is a *big*deal for a Mormon. This envelope comes from the office of the "Prophet" ( god's mouthpiece to the Mormon people). I opened my envelope with nervousness and excitement. I was told that I would serve a mission to Buenos Aires, Argentina. I was thrilled! I knew the language already and really had wanted to go Spanish speaking. My parents wept. They were so sad I was being sent so far away. For them it meant 18 mos of not seeing me, or speaking to me. Mormon missionaries are only allowed to write letters home. Phone calls and visits are prohibited. I was so happy and my parents were so very sad. That was hard.

I was told to 'report' to the Missionary Training Center in Provo, Utah on June 6, 1990. I will never forget that date, because it's the date which 2 yrs later I would be married to my husband. :) The next few months were very busy months, getting the needed supplies, clothing I needed together to go to Argentina. My family, my parents, siblings were devastated.......they were concerned and worried..... as they saw my life being completely swept away into the LDS church. I never had a chance to finish the last 6 mos of schooling, as I decided on a mission instead. This broke my parent's heart. In an effort to squash my guilt about that I pulled away from my parents and family members. This only worried them more. My ward became my "family" ... fellow Mormons were so excited for me and happy for me, that I preferred to spend time with them vs. my family who were always crying about my choice to leave. My relationships with my siblings became strained and I pulled away. Years later I realized this is not all together uncommon.

Before I could go on my Mormon Mission, I was required by the LDS church to go to the temple and "take out" my "endowments". Now this was all new to me. I new very little about the LDS temple. It was hardly spoken of at all at church. I mean I knew that the LDS had a temple. It was just 5 minutes from my parent's home. I drove by it often enough. I had no idea what actually happened in that huge white ominous building. All I knew is that it was "sacred" and "holy" and not to be spoken about outside of the temple itself.

I was encouraged by my Bishop to take a "temple preparation" class taught by a really nice couple in my ward. They invited me into their home along with a few other people, and taught me about what the LDS temple was. They showed me a movie, and it showed photos of the rooms in the temple. The altar, the "celestial room" where LDS would go and sit and pray.. and the 'sealing room' where faithful LDS couples would go to be married for "time and eternity". Everything was new to me. Again I was overwhelmed by it all, but I was told by my bishop that the understanding would come in "time". That I would have a "lifetime" to understand the temple. I accepted his explanation at face value. I didn't question. He was my Bishop. He spoke for god. I was told he knew what was best for me. I completed the classes for temple preparation and yet I still was not aware of "what" I was actually going to be doing once I went there.

Meanwhile I was working a a local department store. I remember vividly hearing on the radio in the back storeroom the announcement that the LDS Church had officially "changed" the temple ceremony. I didn't understand what that meant..........but the radio announcer stated that women in the LDS church were no longer required to make a promise/covenant to "obey" their husbands... and they no longer were going to have to make "blood oaths". Blood oaths? What was that? I didn't get it. I asked my bishop what this all meant. He assured me that any changes made in the temple were "inspired" and that I need not worry. I would understand in "time". That was the answer I received many times thru the years when I expressed concerns or doubts to my leaders....... "put in on the shelf , gloria....... you'll understand in time..."

It was a lovely Spring morning in May that I finally did make my way to the LDS Seattle Temple. I had asked the secretary from the LDS Institute , who had become a good friend of mine, to be my "escort" for my first visit to the temple. An "escort" is someone who is assigned to sit with you thru out your time in the temple and help you in any way you need. The escort had to be a faithful LDS who had a temple recommend. A temple recommend is a slip of paper that is signed by the Bishop , that basically allows you to enter the temple. NO one without a recommend can enter past the front desk of the temple. Only faithful LDS who pay tithing, keep themselves from alcohol and coffee and who obey the LDS commandments are able to get a recommend from their Bishop. There are a series of questions that have to be answered to receive a recommend.

My "escort" picked me up early one Saturday in May. She appeared, right off the bat very nervous. She told me that she had to tell me some things before we went to the temple. I told her OK, that was fine. She said she needed to give me the "heads up " about what actually goes on in the temple. All this time I had been told how beautiful the temple was and how I needed to go there to take out my endowments, but I had yet to be told "exactly" what happens there. My escort then proceeded to tell me briefly a few things about what would actually happen once I got in. She was talking as she drove the short drive to the temple. I was overwhelmed again, but what was I to do. Here I was 5 minutes from entering the Mormon Temple and being bombarded with all this new information. I didn't know what to do.

I believe what happened next deeply affected me.......

That is what I will be sharing on my next post.....my temple experience .


Please check back, as I hope to get it posted soon!

Until then, God bless!

gloria

Joining the Mormons

Just wanted to send a shout out -- to thank you for the lovely comments you have left here. Your encouragement is so appreciated as I begin this endeavor.

As I will share in the future here on this blog, leaving the LDS church has been a process..... not just "physically" leaving but spiritually and emotionally leaving. I really can relate to the Israelites as they were led out of Egypt into the wilderness. Their wilderness experience was necessary, as the Lord was taking " Egypt" out of them.... show them one step at a time, that He was their God, the I AM and that He would truly take care of them, protect them, provide for them, lead them and be their all in all...... the Lord has truly been doing the same thing with me.... taking "religion" out of me, and showing me that it's all about a personal relationship with Him. Thank You, Lord for your patience with me!

I left off last week sharing my first experiences with the LDS faith. Primarily thru my friend, " J ". As I mentioned, " J " went off to serve as a Mormon missionary in Ecuador. He left me a Book of Mormon to read. While he was gone, he wrote and encouraged me to visit with a Brother " H " at the Seattle Institute of Religion. The " Institute" was a building right off campus, where LDS students enrolled at the University could go and take Mormon religious classes. It was also a "social gathering place" of sorts.... where LDS students could go and "hang out" . I had lots of questions about the Book of Mormon that my friend " J " had given me, so I headed over to the Institute in the fall of 1988. I was just 20 yrs old at that time, and completely biblically illiterate. Basically I was very impressionable and naive. Something that did not help me or profit me as you will soon find out.

I recall entering the old 1960's brick building that was built by the LDS to teach that the "glory" of God was intelligence. *official LDS teaching* The LDS do not believe that God created intelligence. ( Doctrine & Covenants 93:29) They believe that it has always existed. I know it sounds "odd" but I am just letting you know what they "officially" believe. At that time, of course I had no clue about these teachings. I was just a naive 20 yr old young woman who was interested in learning more about the Mormon faith. When I entered the Institute, there was a middle aged woman who sat at the front desk. I told her who I was, " J " 's friend who had been told by "J " to come speak to a Brother " H" who would be able to answer my questions about the Book of Mormon... was he in? Now, you have to understand a little about Mormon culture, to fully grasp what happened next........ the woman jumped out of her seat and ran to the front of the desk shook my hand heartily ( remember that "hand shaking" is something that LDS do a lot of!) . She had "heard" about me from " J " himself, and was so pleased to meet me and "yes" of course Brother " H" was in, and he would be thrilled to talk to me. I have no doubt she saw me as a "potential" convert to the LDS and more than thrilled to have me asking about the Book of Mormon! It wasn't a few minutes later that Brother " H " appeared. He was a middle aged man, with silver white hair that was very happy to meet me. He too shook my hand . ( by that point I really wondered about the hand shaking!)

He invited me to come into his office. I learned quickly that Brother "H" was the "head guy" there at the Institute. That is , he was the "Institute director" and had an important position of prominence in the local LDS church. He was warm and friendly and very very eager to share the "LDS gospel" with me. We began to meet together a few times each week. I would come with a list of questions and he would answer them as best he could. After a few weeks of our meetings, he told me it was "time" to make a choice........ I didn't understand I told him. He then explained to me that I had been given " the further light and knowledge" of the true gospel of Jesus Christ and was now needing to be baptized a member of Christ's Church. I told him I had already been baptized, so why again? He then went on to tell me that my baptism as an infant in the Catholic Church was null and void. That God did not recognize it, because I was not baptized by a Mormon " elder" ( a man who has the Mormon priesthood) . I was a bit confused, as Brother " H " tried the best he could to explain to me what that meant. I told him I wasn't ready to make a commitment to the Mormon church, that I needed to learn more and study more. He dismissed my concerns and said that I had "enough" knowledge to be baptized. He then picked up the phone and made a call to the Missionaries who were assigned to work in the area I lived in. ( Missionaries are assigned to work in a certain geographical area) . He set up an appt for me to meet with them. I recall feeling overwhelmed with feelings of pressure. I didn't know how to tell him to "slow down"... that it was going too fast. I set a date to have the Missionaries come to my home. I had no idea who they were or what they would say to me.

A week or so later, the " Elders " came by to my home. Elder Jones and Elder Robison were young 20 yr old young men, clean shaven and wearing stark white shirts, dark suits and conservative ties . They greeted me with a hearty hand shake too! ( OK, another hand shake!) I had told my parents that the Mormon missionaries were coming by to share a "message" with me . They didn't see anything wrong with "missionaries" coming by and consented to the visit. ( they were as clueless as I was). We met 3 times a week, and the Elders would present a "message" at each meeting. The first message was on Joseph Smith. I had heard very little about him, other than he had something to do with the Book of Mormon and was the founder of the Mormon church. They went on and on about Joseph Smith and I became a bit uncomfortable about the focus on "man" instead of Jesus. At the end of each lesson, they would ask me to "pray" and ask God if the message they were presenting was "true". The other 5 lessons or so focused on how the Mormons believe that all religions were false and that the only true Church was "restored" by Joseph Smith, and that in order to go to heaven I had to be baptized a Mormon. They also talked about the need to tithe 10 % of one's income , and to not smoke or drink alcohol. I had a hard time with the coffee drinking prohibition. Oh how I loved my cup of java, and I couldn't grasp how a cup of coffee could keep me out of heaven! How could coffee be sinful? They also explained that Mormons believe that marriage was forever if faithful Mormons went to the Mormon temple and were married by a Mormon priesthood holder there. The Elders told me I could not go to heaven without a Mormon husband who was a faithful LDS who was a priesthood holder. Now, that teaching really created a stir in me..... I did not accept that very well. I had to be married? I couldn't go to heaven without a husband? What did another person have to do with my salvation? What if I didn't get married? What if I didn't want to? The Elders assured me that it was necessary for entrance into heaven. Now you need to understand that at that point in my life, I was very young. 20 yrs old to be exact. I was very committed to finishing my education and going to graduate school. I was not even considering marriage at that point. I really was too young to even consider the possibility of settling down with one person for the rest of my life , let alone eternity like the Elders were telling me! Every time I expressed a concern or doubt, the Elders encouraged me to pray and ask God if their message was true. I would do as they asked and I would pray. Of course, nothing would happen. No great strike of lightening or huge boom or even a word...... nothing. I kept praying , hoping for the heavens to open and part and for God to speak to me to help me to know if these missionaries were teaching truth. I would tell the Elders that I had been praying, but God had not spoken to me. That nothing had happened. They would pressure me to continue to pray and to look for the "feelings" of the Holy Ghost. Feelings? What did that have to do with truth I asked. They then explained to me that God revealed truth thru feelings. That when I had feelings of peace and warmth in my heart, that would be God telling me that "it's true". I had a hard time with that. Feelings denote truth? OK...... I felt warm fuzzy feelings all the time..... I would cry when I would sing the American Anthem...... I would feel all warm in my heart when my parents would tell me how much they loved me and were proud of me. Was that truth? I was confused. Very confused. I wish , oh how I wish someone, could have told me that confusion is NOT of God.

The 6 lessons the Elders had to teach were wrapped up, and they challenged me to "set a date" to be baptized into the Mormon Church. Baptism? Ooh.... I just didn't know about that. I expressed my doubts, my concerns, my needs to understand more..... to study more....... they quickly told me that I didn't need to know more or study more. All I needed to do was pray and ask God to "confirm" that what they were teaching was true... to confirm that Joseph Smith was truly God's mouthpiece and that the LDS church was the *only* true Church. I felt huge amounts of pressure. I liked the Elders. They were very kind to me, and very decent young men, but I didn't know about "joining" another Church. There was NO one at that time in my life I could share my concerns with..... no Christians to share with or help me thru this time.... to pray with me. None. I didn't know what to do or where to turn to.

During the time I was receiving the lessons from the Missionaries ( called "discussions" in Mormon lingo) I was invited to attend the local LDS Ward. A " ward" is a congregation in the LDS church. Each "ward" is made up of a few hundred or so Mormons that live in a restricted geographical region. Mormons are "assigned" to attend a particular "ward". They are not allowed to choose a ward based on preference for the time they meet or the preaching style etc. Mormons are assigned to attend a particular ward and meet at an assigned time. No questions asked. My first experience of attending an LDS ward was pleasant enough. Everyone was extremely friendly. I was welcomed with open arms and lots of handshakes! :) They enveloped me with smiles, and I had someone to sit by me the entire time. Wow. I had never experienced such friendliness. I mean why were these total strangers so nice? They didn't know me at all. I just sat back and soaked it in. It was like a family, everyone knew everyone.

The Elders continued to come over, but the pressure began to mount. They wanted me to 'set a date' for my baptism. One evening they brought over their "Mission President" to meet with me. The Mission President held a prominent role with the LDS in the region I lived in. It was a "big deal" to have the Mission President visit with you. I didn't realize that then, but he came to persuade me to be baptized and join the LDS. Whatever he said, worked. He set a date with me to be baptized into the LDS Church...... January 29, 1989. The Elders were elated. I was nervous.

I broke the news to my parents about my baptism. They didn't' realize that the missionaries were trying to covert me to their religion. They just thought they were there to pray with me and share a message. Being the liberal minded people they were, they didn't stop me from going thru with it. I didn't tell my siblings. In fact, other than my parents I didn't tell anyone I was being baptized. I also told the Elders that I didn't want anyone there when I was baptized. I wanted it to be private. Looking back I realize how uncomfortable I was with the whole situation. The Elders just smiled ear to ear, pleased with their new convert.

My baptism was held at a local LDS meeting house. I came dressed in a lovely purple silk dress, and was told to change my clothing into a white jumpsuit that the Elders provided for me. I thought it would be a quiet ceremony. The Elders made sure it wasn't. I hadn't known, but they invited the entire Ward to my baptism! Including Brother " H" from the Institute. All these people were there that I didn't even really know. It was awkward, to say the least. Everyone was so happy. Smiling, shaking hands, talking. Inside I felt sick. So overwhelmed, so nervous, feeling pressured. I stepped into the LDS baptismal font ( Mormons believe in baptism by immersion) with Brother " H " . He was to baptize me. He raised his hand and pronounced the following prayer over my head : " Having been commissioned of Jesus Christ, I baptize you in the name of Father and the Son and the Holy Ghost." He then dipped me back and I was completely immersed in the warm water. ( fortunate for me it was warm water -- so many end up with freezing water!)

After I changed my clothes, I returned to a room full of smiling beaming faces... all anxious to shake my hand I am sure. :) I was then told to sit in a chair because I would receive the Holy Ghost. Elder Robison then laid his hands on my head and prayed over me..... " Sister Gloria Maria Vazquez, by the Power of the Holy Melchizedek Priesthood, which I hold , I now confirm you a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and say to you: receive the Holy Ghost"....... he then said a bunch of other things that I can no longer remember. A few minutes later he was done , and I stood up from the chair. The Elders then shook my hand , as well as Brother " H " and his wife, and the multitude of other people that were there.

One of the things I do remember from that day was many of the LDS who came to my Mormon baptism told me that they were jealous because my sins had been washed away, and I was like a new baby... perfect and pure. I didn't understand what they meant by that. Later I learned that the LDS believe that water baptism washes away sins -- not the blood of the lamb of God.

After the Baptism service was over, I was asked by the Elders if I could "share my testimony" with a group of missionaries afterwards. I really didn't know what "sharing a testimony" meant, but yes I would be happy to help them if I could. I was then escorted into a meeting of over 500 men clad in suits, white shirts and ties......... oh my..... I about passed out! They had not told me it was a huge meeting for Mormon men. ( stake priesthood meeting) I was then asked to share my experience about joining the LDS church. I had no idea what I said..... but I do remember feeling so nervous....my legs were shaking and I thought I was going to pass out.

After the meeting , I was bombarded with hand shakes and well wishes and congratulations. Overwhelmed, doesn't even begin to describe how I felt.

Almost 20 yrs later I was baptized in Christ Jesus ....... it was such a different experience......... I was not pressured by anyone ...... I was not joining a church or having my sins washed away....... I was making a public confession that Jesus is my Lord of Lords and King of Kings. So very different then being baptized into the Mormon church.

But it took almost 20 yrs to come to that point...................

I jump ahead a bit......... first I need to share my years in the LDS church and what that entailed. Living in bondage in Egypt for almost 20 yrs, made me realize how starving I was for living waters and the bread of life.........

Until then , God bless ~

gloria